17 Dec 2025

Self-Care Builds Your Ethics Muscle

Authors: Tyra P. Sellers and Sarah Lichtenberger

We value ethical action in behavior analysis, and we work hard every day to do right by our clients, supervisees, colleagues, organizations, and communities. Our decisions as behavior analysts rarely occur in quiet moments with unlimited time, rest, and clarity. More often, they happen between session notes, crisis calls, insurance deadlines, staff callouts, and a brain already running with 87 tabs open. In that state, we default to rules of thumb or “what worked last time,” and that might not be what is most ethical or compassionate. And here’s the quiet part we often don’t say out loud: When we don’t take care of ourselves, we invite risk, and ethical practice is likely not sustainable. Self‑care lies at the core of ethical practice. It involves developing and engaging in a set of routines that slow us down at the right moments, expand our perspective, and prepare us to act with both competence and compassion. This post discusses how self-care, self-reflection, and consistent ethical practice routines strengthen our ethical repertoires — and why tending to ourselves is critical to intentional ethical practice, not a luxury.

Why Self-Care Matters for Ethical Behavior

Ethical practice and decision-making are complex, context-dependent, and effortful. They require cognitive bandwidth, perspective-taking, and behavioral flexibility. When we’re burned out or under stress, these skills weaken and risk increases.

We’ve all experienced these moments:

the time you defaulted to a familiar response instead of pausing to check alignment with values
the moment you avoided a difficult but necessary conversation because you didn’t have the capacity in that moment
the end-of-week decision made on autopilot because your “tank” was empty, and you selected the quick decision instead of a well-reasoned, more ethical one

This isn’t a failure of character: It’s a predictable behavioral pattern.

Self-care sustains ethical behavior by providing both ethical functions and benefits.

Ethical Function	Self-Care Benefit
· increase latency before responding	· more thoughtful, less impulsive decision-making
· maintain perspective-taking	· more compassion for others (and ourselves!)
· engage in values-driven behavior	· acting with intention, not exhaustion
· notice internal/private events	· strengthens self-awareness and ethical antennae
· tolerate discomfort	· capacity to have difficult conversations

We cannot “power through” ethics. We must care for the organism engaging in the behavior: ourselves. Self-care can involve “feel-good” things, like engaging in preferred activities and accessing treats. Self-care also includes some discomfort. Making time for yourself might feel uncomfortable and can generate covert verbal behavior like “I’m being selfish” or “I should really be finishing that report instead of snuggling with my dog right now.” Self-care also can involve actions that make most of us squirm, like saying “no,” asking for help, or having tricky conversations about work expectations or behavior. Here are five considerations for building self-care into your ethical practice.

1. Build Self-Compassion and Self-Care

ABA is built on compassion and on meaningful change for humans. Definitions of compassion involve recognizing suffering, connecting empathetically, tolerating our discomfort, and acting to alleviate it. Within a behavior‑analytic frame, compassion looks like perspective‑taking that moves us to reduce aversive stimulation and support long‑term well‑being. Self-compassion is self-care that can make space for attending to and addressing ethics-related topics and issues. It allows you to ensure that your cup is properly filled so that you can keep pouring from it.

Self-compassion practices might include the following:

When you notice self‑criticism after a misstep, pause and ask, “What lesson is this mistake offering me?” Then choose one supportive action you can take today.
Notice when you are talking to yourself in a harsh or unkind way. Pause. Reframe your self-statements using clear, objective language.

Self-care practices might include the following:

protecting rest (calendar breaks, turning off notifications, and using do not disturb settings and auto replies)
moving your body (taking a walk or dancing to music)
eating and hydrating (You can’t run on an empty tank.)
taking mindful breaths between sessions and meetings (Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 4 seconds, and exhale for 6 seconds. Repeat 3-5 times.)
accessing peer support or mentorship (Asking for help is a good thing.)
setting reasonable boundaries (It’s OK to say no.)
finding little moments of joy (music, movement, laughter, and creativity)

Caring for yourself increases your capacity to care for others. That is ethics in action.

2. Know Your Values

Ethics codes tell us what we must do. Values inform who we want to be while doing it. Values aren’t boxes to check: They’re directions of travel. Knowing your values is different from living them under stress. Use values work to clarify your true north, then operationalize it so that, when tensions arise (e.g., gratitude vs. gift‑acceptance limits; kindness vs. multiple relationships), you can honor both ethical standards and what matters most to you.

Questions to explore

Where are you when you feel most alive?
What do you admire in others?
When do you feel most proud?
What situations activate discomfort or resistance?

Actions

List your top 3 values and define them with action words.
At the end of the week, reflect: Where did I see my actions align with my values? Where did I see drift?

When values and ethics collide (e.g., wanting to help a family beyond boundaries), values help you navigate discomfort without abandoning your obligations. Aligning action to values can create ethical courage and help us act even when doing so is difficult and scary—and that is a form of self-care.

3. Engage in Self-Reflection

Self-reflection is tacting our own behavior and its contingencies, noticing our private events, and evaluating our actions and others’ reactions relative to our values and ethical standards. It gives us data about ourselves. Self-reflection is an act of self-care that can increase your ability to make timely adjustments to your behavior and may serve as an initial link in a chain of actions related to growing your skills, giving feedback, and having crucial conversations.

But self-reflection requires calm, space, and intention, which are all difficult to come by when we're running full speed.

Try shaping the skill. Start simple: Replay a recent, low‑stakes interaction and describe what you did and observed, but do not interpret or draw any conclusions yet. Over time, widen the window to more complex interactions and longer time frames. The goal is fluency, not perfection.

Strategies

Schedule 5 minutes for this practice (short, frequent practice beats long, infrequent bouts).
Choose comfortable, low-distraction spaces such as a car, park, or quiet office.
Practice simply sitting still and breathing for 1–2 minutes at first.
Then move to replaying a simple interaction and tacting behavior.
Progress to more complex interactions.

Then ask gentle, open questions:

What was my goal?
What did I think/feel in the moment and why?
What do I think/feel now, reflecting on the situation?
How might the other person have been experiencing the situation?
In looking back, what behavioral indicators do I notice to support my thoughts about how the person felt or what they thought?
How aligned was my behavior with my values?
What actions could I take to facilitate personal growth, a strong relationship, and ethical practice?
What one action will I commit to doing?

This is not personal critique — it is curiosity.

Self-Care Is Ethical Work

Self‑care is not separate from ethics. It’s the scaffolding that lets us slow down, notice more, and choose well. By embedding small, reliable practices across your week, you protect your clients, strengthen your professional judgment, and sustain yourself for the long haul. As you move through your practice — whether you're supervising, writing reports, or navigating tricky conversations — pause and ask,

What do I need to stay aligned with my values and ethical commitments today?

Start small, anchor yourself to consistent routines you already have, and invite a colleague to join you. You deserve support and care while doing this work, and the individuals and communities you serve deserve the best version of you.

Start Building Your Ethics Muscle Now

Ready to strengthen your ethical muscle and build a sustainable ethical practice?

Start today by choosing one action: